A few months back, I was asked to fill out a questionnaire about living with depression. It took me a while to get to it and by the time I did, I was too late to submit it. I figured since I took the time to fill it out, I might as well publish it as a blog. So, without further ado, a depression questionnaire blog!
1) How long have you had depression?
Looking back, I have had depression my entire life; I just didn’t know it. I thought I was lazy, physically sick, or just really tired. I pretty much thought it was anything but depression. I didn’t understand what “medical depression” was, so it didn’t make sense to me. I understood sadness, but what I was experiencing was deeper than sadness.
Once I learned what depression was, it became obvious that was what was going on. It wouldn’t be until my mid-20s that I would really learn about mental illness – including depression.
2) Does depression or other mental illness run in your family?
Not really. I’m special that way.
While it is fortunate that other members of my family do not suffer from depression, it did lead to my suffering not being noticed. My family didn’t get me the help I desperately needed because they were unaware I needed help.
3) What are your symptoms?
I have bipolar and anxiety, so my symptoms range from feeling worthless, suicidal, and hopeless all the way to feeling god-like, invincible, and indestructible. It is a whiplash effect. The depression feels physically heavy and exhausting. All my limbs weigh 50,000 pounds. Accomplishing anything is impossible. I wrestle my own mind and my body feels like heavy spaghetti.